What happens when you’ve been given a date rape drug?

So what happens when you’ve been given a “date” rape drug? For one thing you can’t recall all (if any) of the details or the full picture. I’d imagine there are people out there that have no idea anything happened.

So, prior to marriage #2 (who was a cop at the time) – now he seems to be on the other side of the law. I was raped again by 2 men. I was drugged at work. All I remember is getting on the elevator and a man I knew was standing IN the elevator. He said; Hi…what are you doing this weekend?

I began to tell him “Met a friend in the galleria” and that’s the last thing I remember.

I wonder to this day (not really on the top of my mind – just say’in) how in the world he got me OUT of the elevator and into his car. I mean without people going … and WHY are YOU carrying Rebekah?

Next thing I remember was being scooped up, from the front passengers seat and seeing a Mercedes emblem. I knew I was in a garage (but didn’t know who’s) and seeing the garage door leading into the house.

I remember seeing a kitchen and I was being carried through it. Then I remember looking up at a winding staircase (wall on right, banister on left) and a set of French doors leading into a bedroom.

Then I remember seeing another man walk through the doors (I knew he was a close friend) to the bedroom. I remember thinking what’s he doing here? Where am I? I must be dreaming. Then I remember realizing I was undressed and why are they….

It’s like a dream state or a passout/blackout stage!

I can’t tell you I was traumatized like the first, because I wasn’t. It always felt “surreal” – bewildering, shocking and I’d say puzzling. I had NO IDEA either men would #1. Do such a thing #2. Either would ever risk their family, careers or reputations!

Then “they” put me in my car and I wrecked my car at a 4 way stop. The police came and suddenly “they” were on the scene saying “they’d take care of me.” I’m sure the police thought I was drunk and I have no idea why they let me go. I have no recollection of anything after that except “landing” on my Ex-husband #1 doorstep. I have no idea how I got there, nor does he know. It was VERY late when I arrived.

He knew immediately I’d been drugged. I fell into the floor after he opened the door….
He took me to Denny’s to eat and I remember seeing the cops that pulled me over. I remember thinking, I should tell them but don’t recall anything after that including telling my X #1.

I must have told him everything but have no recall. The next thing I know I’m asleep in MY bed (where I lived with a roommate in a house) and X #1 is on the couch. I slept all day. It was a Saturday, he said he’d called my brother in law (to ask about an attorney) and the local news station. I thought WHAT?! WHY? Then the details above began to trickle back in my head. To this day, that’s still all I can recall but apparently that was enough for the attorneys to know they didn’t want to go to court.

On Monday I was in an attorney’s office. I think “we settled” in a about 20 minutes but it was a long time ago, maybe it just “seemed quick.”

Based on what I remembered. I honestly didn’t care and didn’t care about “settling” – I was still in shock and bewildered by this entire ordeal.

I think I paid for another house for the attorney, his son’s education or at least another car and I walked away with less than $70K – you could say “raped again” – kidding.  I could have cared less about the money. Money didn’t fix my now unemployed status, my heart, my mind or anything else.

I kept 5K and gave the rest “to the church.” To ME it was dirty money and I didn’t want it. I don’t think I could have kept it…so again, I gave it away.
My cop friend was just that. A friend, I’m sure you can guess, once again I felt “safe.” That happen about 5-6 years after the first.

Once again I said; I DO (married)…when I should have said; I don’t now and never will…to X#2.

Looking back, did I EVER have a gut feeling NOT to move forward. Yes, absolutely. But I didn’t heed.

We were as different as mud and wine.

We were from completely opposite families (educated/uneducated), we dressed different, ate different, thought different…you name it. We were from opposite sides of the track, so to speak.

I loved to travel, he’d never been out of Houston.

I LOVED to cook gourmet food, he’d never eaten anything outside of mostly “junk” and instant food. After we married he threw out any recipes / books he didn’t think I needed. Including my entire portfolio (after we divorced).

I was tall and loved to dress up. He was short and wore blue jeans.

We shopped at completely opposite stores; from groceries to clothes.

I wore make up … until after we married (he didn’t want me wearing make-up, dressing up, working or having any friends).

6 months after we married he used my cat as a football and kicked the cat across the room. I thought then…how long until I’m next?

Not long.

He enjoyed being married and having girlfriends. I think that’s called “having your cake…or something like that.” Cops in Texas call it “having a chip.”

I was willing to forgive and move on IF he’d go to counseling with me and IF he’d stop with the control issues and own his stuff.

He wouldn’t, we separated. I wasn’t going to “wait it out” and hope things would change years down the road. I’m just not ever going to be that way, once I see things for what they are…. I want to deal with it, resolve, talk about it OR MOVE ON.

However, I’m awful about feeling bad about “stuff” and needing to make sure he is what he is (as if I didn’t know – of course I did, but you second guess yourself because you don’t want to go through a divorce and emotional abuse makes YOU think it’s all your fault.) So while living apart we decided to attempt to reconcile. Until I met another girlfriend accidentally.

We had a wonderful conversation in the ladies’ bathroom and went our separate ways (me and her and him and I). The last time I saw him he came to my work and said “Choose this day ME or GOD” I laughed and said; God chose me before I chose HIM so my choice is firm.
We were married 3 years too long.

My lessons: Never EVER change who you are for someone else. Never ever compromise what you like, your interest, your aspirations because of someone else’s jealousy.

Never ever leave your drink unattended. However, honestly I don’t walk away from food or drink paranoid something will happen when people I know are at a table.

Lady’s never ever submit to abuse. Never ever submit to settling just because you said I DO. Never ever submit to a man that isn’t submitted to God (operating outside of The Word “over you”) and never ever make decisions under duress!

You don’t have to.

Christ didn’t condemn the woman at the well, he simply acknowledged she had been married.
I wish “The Church” would STOP shooting the wounded. I never ever wanted to go through 1 divorce much less 3.

Christ hates divorce because he knows the pain of it. He NEVER said he hated the divorcee.
He divorced Israel.

He knows what it takes to get to the place of saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Again I’m not “pro-divorce” but I’m not “pro-stay” in abuse, adultery, with a deceiver, thief, liar or criminal (molesting your children). just because you can’t face the shame. You might feel you can’t stand in church without feeling “condemned by man” – you don’t have to answer to man, you have to answer to God.

GOD works through YOUR conscience, pay attention to it! Don’t ignore it or you’ll eventually sear it.

Never worry about what people will think — people don’t have to live under your roof.

THOSE very people will stay because of SHAME from MAN, shame due to religion, shame feeling like they failed and they can’t show anyone. SHAME is NOT from God and never ever stand in the sandals of SHAME for very long. I’ll talk more about divorce later.

I can live with the decisions I MAKE; I can’t live with the decisions other people make for me.
Opposites may attract but afterwards they’ll drive each other crazy. The very thing you loved, you’ll hate and you’ll realize the passion was lust not love. How do you know? Because LUST is a TAKER.

Be FREE,

Rebekah Lea Phelps

PS: I started to write my FIRST book when we were married (a Christian children’s dictionary) and he tore it up and said no one wanted to hear anything I had to say AND the world had enough dictionary’s and children’s books. I find it very ironic how “the enemy” “tore into my destiny” LONG ago and now I’m writing.

NOTHING God has ordained for you will pass you by!
NOTHING