Out of Spiritual Darkness Into the Light

Rebekah Phelps
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Out of Spiritual Darkness, Into the Light. Sorry about my lack of finishing this up. I took “off” for Thanksgiving. No guilt

out of spiritual darkness

Spiritual Darkness

So in regards to “my giving up” – my exit plan. Exiting or “excusing myself” from this life.

My mother talked about suicide at various times. And before I go on about this it is NOT to condemn her or judge her AT ALL. I get “pain you don’t know what to do with.” I get not knowing how to conquer it, I understand unresolved grief issues and/or depression and I get if that’s all you know as a solution or all you can think of, then I get that. NOT condoning it or agreeing, I just get it and accept it.

I am extremely sad to hear when someone has successfully done this BUT…I get it. Suicide is NOT “always” about mental illness but desperation to stop pain, unbearable pain or shame. Not knowing how to “get out” of _____. More on this subject “soon.” I know 2 people who recently reached out to me over severe “pain” – They said they are contemplating suicide. Again, more on this SOON, esp. since they came to me about it.

Out of Spiritual Darkness, Into the Light

Anyway, to me it was “just a choice if you got fed up or tired” I heard it my entire life – as far as I knew everyone heard their mom say “I’m going to kill myself.” I use to walk in the house after school in the 3rd grade, make my sister stand outside … while I checked to make sure my mom wasn’t dead. I didn’t want her involved with seeing that just in case she was. Obviously NOT “everyday” just when she’d say something about it before I left for school. I wasn’t sure when SHE “was full.”

However, this “lesson” (saying things to kids you shouldn’t) kept me from sharing emotional hurt with my kids, talking bad about their dad, making threats (manipulation) and with others so if that’s what I got out of it…I’m grateful for that classroom.

I just got too tired to carry on and finally at 21 I attempted suicide. I collected up lots of pain pills and called the hospital to report “a friend” had just taken them.

So I tried and failed in 1983, but that’s another story. That’s when I officially met The Lord. Six months later “violence” struck (1st rape) and within 6 months after that Marriage #1 happened. 9 months after that news of “Baby #1” would be here in 9 months.

Deception Deception….what a stink’in dark thing it is. BUT – I’m grateful. I’m grateful I see it from far off now in it’s various shapes and forms.

Out of Spiritual Darkness, Into the Light

What is apostasy and how can I recognize it?

Another aspect of true believers is that they have been delivered out of spiritual darkness into light (Ephesians 5:8) and therefore will not deny core truths of …

It seemed to follow me around like a shadow. Like a lost puppy.

But I think (& The Word states) when you open your home and those in it to darkness you are opening those people up TO DECEPTION and “it” doesn’t leave willingly. No way…”it” has a home.

I’m extremely grateful for lessons I’ve learned, the classrooms I’ve been in and it is my hope that if 1 person hears the truth and The Truth sets them free, then it was all worth it to share.

I have always been happy to share 1 on 1 when it was appropriate or asked direct questions. After lots of prayer and lots of confirmation and another well-known author mentoring me (who told me to openly & candidly blog about my history as “homework”) I am sharing to make this info public and to help others who live in “the dark” – who live in shame, to help someone heal and move past The Past into The Future.

In HIS Love,

Rebekah Lea Phelps

Don’t give up!

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