Divorce or suicide which is easier?

divorce or suicide which easierDivorce or suicide which is easier? I mean put that way, most of us would answer divorce of course, if that were the only 2 options. Yesterday I wrote about what it will be like to meet God and I mentioned how many times can a person marry before, 3 Strikes you’re Out? This is Part 2 of 2 I want to talk about choices that run through people’s minds when they are in desperate need of change, when they are in abusive marriages…when they are contemplating suicide or divorce!

I’m 53 years old at the time of this writing. Many adults I know can say they’ve been married once or twice, would also tell you they’ve lived with someone for a long period (or dated for a long long time but never married), one or both committed adultery, they’ve separated and gotten back together, but sleep in separate beds, live separate lives. Perhaps they agree to remain married but have an “open marriage” or one dies and the other is really relieved not grieved.

Divorce or suicide which is easier?

If you’re over 25 – 30 you’ve seen it too if not, you’ve at least heard about it.
At this very moment I know a lady that is legally divorced, lives in the basement of their home and the kids live upstairs with their dad. MOST people don’t even realize they’re divorced. Their church doesn’t even know because they can’t bear to tell them.
What a shame to LIVE in shame. It’s God to reveal a matter it’s Satan to conceal and if he can keep you in hiding, buried in your shame it’s impossible to live a healed FREE life. You’re “free in the light” and in bondage living in the dark…in shame.

Sadly, there are people who are contemplating suicide that have been married over 30 years but can’t “divorce” — they feel suicide is their only option. What about the people that end up killing their mates? Unfortunately, they can’t see it’s more important what GOD thinks because they are consumed in shame. Reason goes by the wayside and divorce is as high “in the church” as it is outside it.

I know someone else that married such a deceiver (lied about his age, having children, said he’d never been married…. the list goes on) but she doesn’t believe in divorce “no matter what” – okay, so you believe in a facade? In wearing masks? Do you think you’re faking God out? You’re already divorced in your actions and heart! In sleeping in separate rooms? In showing your kids this is what marriage is? In living a fake life to yourself to co-workers and church? I’m sorry but after reading ALL Jesus said; WHO do you think he’d be more upset with? Someone who wouldn’t accept abuse, living with a deceiver or a people pleaser? Someone that just gave up LIFE and committed suicide or killed a partner or divorced?

Isn’t God ultimately concerned about the “inside of the cup?” aka: Heart Issues.
I didn’t date long. I married. #1 under great duress.
I didn’t date much. I married. #2 … same story, different year.
I obviously didn’t THINK and pay attention to my own gut with any of them. I married. #3.
And when I saw them for who they REALLY were…I left. No regrets.

#3 Deceived a LOT of people, not just me. My pastor, elders and anyone else around him.
THAT almost killed me.I ended up being under police protection while visiting Kentucky. Long story but point is this relationship could have been deadly.

I’m surprised I made it out alive spiritually and otherwise, but I ONLY did because: God carried me, I crawled home. Who do you think was there when “I got home?” Yep…no one. BUT GOD. At the end of the day however if God is all you got …God is all you need. You have the creator of the universe on your team!

I stayed in The Word because I knew it wouldn’t return void and because HE IS SOVEREIGN and his right hand held me up. I remained IN HIM because HE is faithful not because I am.

What hurt me more than anything was my children were severely wounded if not decapitated (so to speak) By X#3. He wanted nothing to do with them. He didn’t want to be a father figure and told them so, to their tearful faces…asking. How cruel. He was a vicious wolf. It’s extremely sad… knowing what I know.

If I hadn’t spent 5 years SOAKED in The Word (never dating) prior to this marriage I’m positive I wouldn’t have been able to stand, confront and fight when needed.I lived in what I call, the “prayerful trenches” (so to speak) the entire time we were married.

It took me about 7 years to heal after that. I didn’t say to Forgive, I said HEAL. I forgave daily and when I pulled out of the driveway for good. After that, for 7 years I went to church early and left before they dismissed OR not at all sometimes. My dear husband now would tell you I cried in almost every service and have been “involved” VERY little in that time. It was time to HEAL not serve.

Oh by the way, yes…I married again. My best friend #4 (who at 51 had never been married), but #1 for the last 11.5 years very happy years (13.5 together). He says to people; Yes, she’s been married before but never had a husband. So true, so true. I tell him all the time he’s my favorite husband and he says; I’m the only husband you’ve had.

I went through PTSD and EMDR counseling in 2008 which also led to Grief Recovery and PAIRS. Best money I ever spent on myself.

What I can tell you is this:
1. IF you’ve been hurt by religion, so called Pastors, Priest, Parents that used The Word to control or abuse… THAT is about MAN’S failure – NOT GOD.
2. You will never truly heal from trauma until you feel SAFE. You can’t.

You are going to have to separate the two (Man vs. God) to move on.

You have to separate God and the actions of man to heal and come back to the Lord. Who’s your HELP in time of trouble.

I’m sorry you were hurt, abused, violated, ripped apart by “man” using God’s Word or place of fellowship and safety but MAN has always been corrupt and always will be. ON EARTH.

Run to HIM, not away,

If HE will not contend with “man” forever, please don’t think HE expects you too! He’d much rather see you divorce than commit suicide! Your life is of no value to HIM dead. HE wants to see HIS purpose fulfilled in YOU. (Gen 6:3)

I promise, there is purpose in your pain and pain in the purpose. He can use it, let him!
Rebekah Lea Phelps

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